I have been trying to think of how to write my annual Great Strides letter a lot lately. Sometimes it feels like I have shared or expressed the biggest sentiments or wishes I have and sometimes I feel stuck because I don’t have any new stories or memories to share of Leann. But today, on our way to school, out of nowhere, Avery asked me what reminded me of Aunt Le Le.

Everything.

 I told her that there is a lot that makes me think about her. And then she said, very clearly, tell me 10 things that remind you of her. And so I did—and it just felt like the most perfect thing to share with our legion and community.
 

1. Microwave popcorn- Leann used to have it after school all the time. The sound, the smell, a stainless steel bowl. It always brings me back to sitting on the couch with her.
2. Books- I was forever amazed by her reading. She was fast. Read multiple books at a time. And read so many genres.
3. Jelly Belly jelly beans- When she was in the hospital, she would be gifted the Costco-sized jar of jelly beans. She would sit there and organize the flavors in two tackle boxes. One box had the fruity flavors and the other box had all the others. Whenever I eat them, I feel like I can hear her telling me which ones I could have from her stash.
4. Music- there are songs that I hear, play over again, or that catch me off guard and bring me back to specific life moments of hers or with her. Sometimes it makes me smile and I sing along as loud as I can, and there are other times I find a tear traveling down my cheek.
5. Summer beach trips- My parents would take us to the beach every summer growing up. We would stop at Goldberg’s before heading out of town and get bagels and Clearly Canadian drinks. Those trips remain as core memories to me. Where everything felt possible and carefree.
6. Cheetos- She loved them. The crunchy ones. And I don’t care how unhealthy they are… you will always find them in our house. Not just because we also like them, but because they remind us of her.
7. Cardinals- Leann was obsessed with being an aunt. She loved Avery to her core—which often adds to the sting of Avery not being able to remember or know her. She called Avery her “little bird”. When Leann passed away, a cardinal would visit our backyard all the time. I’d like to believe it was Leann still watching life unfold.
8. March- March was such a big month within different years. She got married in March and I’m not sure I have ever felt so much love in one room by so many people. It was just such a happy and beautiful day. March also brought her a double lung transplant in 2018. It was a month I feel like I just felt so much hope.
9. Wind- I know it is her wrapping herself around me. There’s a story that goes with it, but I choose to keep that one in the place it is tucked. When we feel a gust, we often say “Hey Le” or “there’s Le Le”. It is a reminder and sign of the biggest part of us that is missing.
10. Everything- How do I fully express that it is truly everything at every moment? You see, it doesn’t have to be a memory I am sharing out loud or go in search of. It is a sound, smell, taste, feeling, or moment that I never expected, that I wish I could share with her, that I’d give anything to tell her about.

 It is everything. Every day. All the time.

I am so thankful to be surrounded by a legion who join me in sharing memories of her. I know that we all miss her. So, for Leann, I will walk in May. In her memory. Hoping I’ll feel her by my side. Until there is a cure, the work is not done.

Love,
Emma